John 11:17-44
Speaking about grief and loss is not something I am unfamiliar with. As a student at theological college I wrote my dissertation on funerals and funeral ministry within the Church of England. And now Ordained I find myself regularly in places where conversation about death and dying are commonplace.
Part of the role of a priest is to be ‘comfortable enough’ with death and grief that when people look to you in order to lead them in a time of trouble, you can do so with the light of Christ as your guide. And yet, despite this relative familiarity, engaging with loss and grief is always hard. Each of us here today have had our lives touched by sadness in some way. The death of a parent or a child; the loss of a close friend or family member. Even the death of a local public figure each leaves its indelible mark on us. We are truly changed after someone we love is no longer with us.
And it is to that context that we see Jesus interacting with His friends today. Mary and Martha, Jesus’s close friends and one time dinner hosts have lost their brother. Lazarus has died and they are, quite understandably distraught with grief. Today I would like us to spend a short time with this particular passage as I think it has a lot to teach us about the nature of grief and how we might support those who are suffering.
The first thing we observe is that people grieve in different ways. We read that: “On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.…..many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.”
Mary and Martha were surrounded by people offering help and support in their time of need. We can imagine cooked meals and people taking care of the housework. Perhaps children being encouraged away to go and play with neighbours, as their relatives are grief stricken. And then we see two very different reactions from the sisters in question. Upon hearing that Jesus was in the neighbourhood, Martha races our to find Him, whilst Mary stays at home, perhaps resting in the comfort of those close by, or perhaps even hiding away.
I remember clearly that when my Grandmother died our house suddenly became a very busy place. I was about 15 years old at the time and as is the custom in Irish families like mine, the vast reaches of our extended family arrived on the doorstep offering cakes and tea, meals and other practical help.
As much as this very physical demonstration of love was appreciated, I didn’t particularly find it helpful at the time. I left the house and went for a walk, preferring to remember my Nan in a more quite and private way.
I guess the lesson we learn from this is that grief affects everyone differently. Just as Mary sought the comfort of her own home. Martha needed to spend time away from that environment; and looked to Jesus to offer answers.
Looking for answers when something bad happens is very common. In our overwhelming sense of grief and loss questions like “Why did this happen?” and “Where are you in all of this Lord?” are understandable.
Both Martha and Mary ask very similar questions of Jesus when they meet Him…. “Lord,” Martha said, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
and later…..
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
Being a person of faith does not exclude us from pain and suffering. If only it did! Followers of Christ experience the same losses and tragedies as anyone else. But there is one difference. In their time of need, and in their respective ways, both Mary and Martha sought comfort and support from Jesus. They both went to him with their tears and their sorrows, their questions and confusion. And Jesus welcomed them, comforted them and quite remarkably, wept with them.
Verse 35 of our reading today is the shortest verse in the entire bible. It simply says: “Jesus wept”
Why did Jesus weep? Why did the light of the world cry when He knew what was going to happen next?
I suspect that it is due to the overwhelming compassion of our Lord that He wept with his sisters in faith over the death of their brother.
“Jesus wept”, encapsulates all we need to know about our Lord and Saviour; the one to whom we can turn and bring any cares and burdens. He is with us in our moments of joy, love and celebration and He does not abandon us in our moments of pure, raw agony. Jesus weeps alongside us.
Lastly, the final thing we learn from the story of Mary and Martha, of Jesus and Lazarus is that the ending is not always one we expect. I’m sure that many of us here would have loved the story of our own loved one’s death to be the same as that of Lazarus. Jesus’s miracle of raising Lazarus form the dead is remarkable, and also quite challenging for us to hear.
We know that the ending for Lazarus is not the same as for us, at least in the short term anyway.
A lecturer at theological college was always very keen to point out when discussing this story that Jesus is the only person ever to be resurrected. Lazarus wasn’t resurrected, he was resuscitated. He came back to life to live with his sisters and his friends, but he too will die. Just like we will and just like our loved ones have. But Jesus’s resurrection changes things for all of us.
Jesus said to Martha, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
This statement of faith from a grieving woman is quite incredible and easy to overlook. The question for us today is the same one that our Lord posed to Martha….’I am the resurrection and the life….do you believe this?’
Days like this are good; to be able to come together as a community and remember those we miss so dearly. But it’s also good to answer the question posed to us by Jesus. For it is in Heaven where we will be free from grief and anguish, from pain and loss.
Our opening reading today put it better that I ever could….Revelation 21:3-4 says: "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling-place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death” or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
May we look to the Lord in our time of pain, and look forward to a moment free from crying and death.
Amen
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